“The inability to open up to hope is what blocks trust, and blocked trust is the reason for blighted dreams.” – Elizabeth Gilbert
A good friend of mine called me out of the blue this week.
He’s been a head college coach for a long time, and our conversation eventually landed on something I think a lot of coaches are wrestling with right now:
Do we have to coach this generation differently?
He talked about how much harder it seems to connect with athletes today. How difficult it can be to relate to them and understand what motivates them. How something that worked with a team five or ten years ago might not seem to land the same way today.
Interestingly, I’ve been asking the college coaches who have joined me on The Significant Coaching Podcast this week that same question.
And most have given me some version of the same answer:
No. We don’t necessarily have to coach them differently. But we absolutely have to understand them better.
The fundamentals of coaching haven’t changed.
Athletes still need accountability.
They still need discipline.
They still need honesty.
They still need someone willing to push them beyond what they think they’re capable of.
But the world surrounding them has changed dramatically.
My generation didn’t grow up with the internet in our pocket. We didn’t have social media documenting every mistake, insecurity, relationship and opinion. We didn’t have hundreds—or thousands—of people commenting on our lives every day.
Today’s athletes are constantly exposed to everyone’s opinion. Everyone seemingly has to be the smartest person in the room—or sometimes the meanest. And an algorithm is waiting to deliver those opinions directly to everyone who will take the five seconds to read or listen to them.
So maybe the question isn’t, “How do we coach them differently?”
Maybe it’s:
“What do we need to do better so they allow us to coach them?”
For me, it starts with four things.
1. Start With Trust
You cannot demand trust because your title says “Coach.” That used to work, but it doesn’t anymore.
Trust has to be earned.
Athletes need to know that the person providing the expectations also cares about them. That the conversation after a bad practice isn’t personal. That sitting them on the bench doesn’t mean you’ve given up on them.
Trust takes longer to build than it used to. It isn’t an automatic assumption on day one of practice.
Coaches have to establish consistent, clear standards, communicate them, and refuse to waver from them when things get difficult.
Athletes may not always agree with your standards, but they need to trust that those standards—and the person enforcing them—will be consistent.
2. Coach With Empathy
Empathy doesn’t mean lowering expectations.
It means understanding what someone may be carrying while you’re asking them to meet those expectations.
We don’t have to experience everything our athletes experience to recognize that their world is different from the one we grew up in.
Ask questions.
Listen.
Learn what matters to them.
Sometimes the most important thing a coach can say is, “Help me understand.”
Then actually listen to the answer.
3. Explain Consistently
I grew up in an era when coaches could say, “Because I said so.”
That doesn’t work nearly as well today.
And maybe that’s not a bad thing.
Explaining why doesn’t make a coach weaker. It gives athletes context.
Why are we doing this drill?
Why is this our standard?
Why did I make this decision?
Why does this matter beyond today?
You don’t have to justify every decision you make. But consistent explanation helps athletes understand that there is purpose behind what you’re asking of them.
Clarity creates connection.
4. Teach Them to Talk to You
This might be the biggest one.
We have a generation that communicates constantly—but much of that communication happens through a screen.
Texting. Snapchat. Instagram. Group chats. Comments. DMs.
So coaches have to continually remind athletes that healthy relationships require actual conversations.
If you’re frustrated with me, talk to me.
If you don’t understand your role, ask me.
If something I said bothered you, come see me.
If you need help, tell me.
Not through a teammate.
Not through a parent.
Not through a social media post.
And not from behind a phone.
We have to create environments where athletes know they can walk through the door, look us in the eye and have a difficult conversation.
That skill will serve them long after their playing careers are over.
Maybe we don’t need to reinvent coaching for this generation.
Maybe we need to get better at the most important parts of coaching.
Build trust. Show empathy. Explain consistently. Create conversations.
Hold them accountable. Push them. Challenge them. Coach them hard.
But understand the world they’re walking through when they leave your practice.
Because great coaching has never really been about figuring out the perfect way to coach a generation.
It’s about figuring out the best way to reach the person standing in front of you.
Let’s Talk Coaching
If you’re a parent, coach or athletic leader trying to build stronger relationships, create a healthier culture, or better understand how to reach today’s student-athletes, I’d love to talk with you.
Schedule a strategy session with me at CoachMattRogers.com, or reach out to me directly at coachsignificance@gmail.com.
Sometimes the most important step in becoming a better coach is simply being willing to have a conversation about how we can get better.
