“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt
“Why did they get an offer and I didn’t?”
I hear some version of that question every recruiting cycle.
Maybe it’s a teammate you start over. Maybe it’s an athlete with lower grades. Maybe it’s someone you competed against last weekend. Or maybe it’s a kid you’ve never met whose commitment just appeared on your social media feed.
And immediately you wonder:
Why you and not me?
Here’s the problem with that question: They aren’t you.
They don’t have your priorities, academic goals, financial situation, family needs or vision for college. They may want a huge university while you would thrive at a small college. They may want to stay close to home while you want something completely different.
So why are you using their recruiting journey to measure yours?
An Offer Doesn’t Mean They Won
We’ve turned college offers into trophies.
An athlete posts an offer, and we assume they’re ahead. But do we know whether they researched the school? Can their family afford it? Do they like the campus? Does the academic program fit? Have they studied the roster and coaching staff?
Sometimes athletes become more excited about being wanted than where they are actually being asked to go.
Don’t fall in love with being wanted. Fall in love with where you’re going.
Getting an offer isn’t the goal. Finding a college where you can be successful academically, athletically, financially and personally is.
Before You Research Colleges, Research Yourself
This is one of the primary reasons I wrote Significant Recruiting and created my Recruit’s Journals.
I wanted athletes to stop beginning with:
“What colleges do I like?”
And start with:
“What do I want from college?”
What matters to you? What kind of coach brings out your best? What environment will allow you to grow?
If you don’t understand your own priorities and values, how can you possibly recognize the right opportunity when it arrives?
Your Timeline Is Your Timeline
Recruiting isn’t one universal race.
I talk with college coaches every week who are still recruiting seniors in March, April and May. At smaller colleges and junior colleges, opportunities can remain into June, July and August.
Someone else’s commitment date is not your deadline.
That doesn’t mean you sit around and wait. Keep communicating. Keep researching. Keep improving. Keep creating opportunities.
But stop looking sideways.
There is no trophy for committing first, and there is no championship for collecting the most offers.
The next time you catch yourself asking, “Why you and not me?”, ask three better questions:
What do I want? What do I need? What am I doing today to find it?
Their journey is theirs.
Go build yours.
Need Help Building Your Recruiting Plan?
If your family needs help identifying the right schools, understanding your options or creating a recruiting strategy built around your priorities, schedule a one-on-one Discovery Session with me.
Schedule a Discovery Session with Coach Matt Rogers
Or, if you’re ready to start working through the process on your own, Significant Recruiting: The Playbook for Prospective College Athletes and my Recruit’s Journals were created to help student-athletes identify what matters to them and make better, more informed college decisions.
