My son had a sleepover this past weekend with 3 of his best buddies in celebration of his 11th birthday. If you know anything about 11-year old boys, they are (in my opinion) the most awkward, obnoxious, sarcastic, playful, energetic, loving (in private) and insecure of all species of animal in the little boy kingdom. In short, they never stopped laughing, running, playing, teasing, competing, eating and talking from the time they walked into our house until the minute they left. To say the least, they had a good time.
Like most sleepovers, my wife and I bought dinner and dessert for the boys (Chick-fil-A and Crumbl if you were wondering) and drinks and snacks for the never-ending consumption throughout the night. The next morning, I made a heaping pile of crepes and bacon for their morning feast before their parents came to pick them up.
I tell you all of this because it his hard not to observe and study your children’s friends when they have them over, and I was very curious to get to know their personalities. I wouldn’t say I was surprised, but after both of their meals, all 3 of our visitors quickly finished and ran back down stairs to continue playing without ever saying a word to me. My son was the last one from the table each time, and after each meal, he looked up at me and said “Thank you, Dad” before scurrying after his friends back to the basement for more frivolity.
Before I continue, I want to be clear that all 3 of these boys were good boys and my son loves them to death. He would spend every waking hour with them if he could, and that makes his mom and me very happy that he has friends that he cares about and bring him joy. However, I couldn’t help but notice that after every meal and when they finally left our house late Saturday morning, none of them ever said “Thank you.”
Now, this did not make me mad or even disappointed. Remember, what I said above about this particular species of boy. I know that I can be a little intimidating if you don’t know me well, and I did have to quiet them down a couple of times throughout the night because I was pretty sure one of them was close to going through a wall in our basement by the loud crashing noises I was hearing, With that said, I appreciate the fear they were probably experiencing of talking to a friend’s adult parents that they were meeting for the first time at the ripe age of 11.
Nevertheless, it got me thinking about the boys on my team. After every practice since I took the job, we meet in the middle of the court, and we discuss what we learned and what to expect the next game or practice before leaving the gym for the day. After each of these end-of-practice sessions, we give each other a fist bump (and often times a hug or two) of appreciation for the work we just put in, and more times than not, I hear a number of “Thank you, Coach” before they head to the locker room.
Whether they know it or not, this makes their coach very happy and exceptionally proud to call them “my boys” and “my family.” I don’t know if it is just this generation or that they all were just raised by very thoughtful parents, but I have never once had to think about how they would represent our school whether we are playing at home or on the road. I just know they are going to be respectful and grateful.
I don’t know if I have ever seen another high school basketball team do what we do after games, but I have always found it to be an extremely important part of our post game routine. [My memory is not what it used to be, but I probably have Coach Fanning to thank for teaching me this tradition. Thank you, Coach!] After we shake the hands of our opponents, we all walk together to both sides of the court, and we clap and say thank you to all of the friends, family and fans who took time out of their schedules to come support us. Again, I don’t know if our audience appreciates it or sees the authenticity in it, but I take great pride in that our boys take great pride in the gesture…even after a hard loss where it is hard to face those people when you feel you may have let them down by not getting the victory.
As someone who has coached, recruited and scouted for a long time, it is clear to me that “thank you” may be the most important two words any young person can ever use. So, I hope the next time you are about to leave a classroom, a gym, or before hanging up with a college coach, who just happens to call you and tell you they are interested in recruiting you, that you take a moment and say “thank you” for the time and consideration that coach is putting into you. I promise you that the receiver of that appreciation will not quickly forget the gesture or the person providing it!
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