“Our real discoveries come from chaos, from going to the place that looks wrong and stupid and foolish.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
I didn’t grow up in Chicago, but I consider myself a “Chicago” guy. I grew up in a little farming community about 2 1/2 hours west of Chicago, but I grew up loving the Cubs, Bears and Bulls and loved every trip I got to make to the Windy City. For all of the run-down, industrial-ness of Chicago, it is still my favorite city in the world to visit, and I can’t wait for my next opportunity to go back.
I consider myself a Chicago guy because I grew up in the chaos of a big family. I have 4 older siblings who are all at least 10 years older than me. For the first 7 years of my life, there was the chaos of two blue collar workers raising 5-kids. Yelling, screaming, arguing, debating, singing, dancing, celebrating were all our love languages. There was a lot of teasing and mental, physical and emotional challenges that were just a part of growing up as the youngest kid in a house on the edge of a small town in the middle of nowhere. That’s Chicago. Where the outside observer sees crazy and chaotic, a Chicago family sees a typical Tuesday.
A few years after my brothers and sisters had all left (they were all gone by my 7th year), I was left alone with my parents and right before I started high school, they bought the local restaurant in our downtown. If you thought growing up with 4 older siblings and parents who seemed to always be working or arguing was chaotic, imagine working for your parents for $4/hour trying to feed 800 people every Saturday and Sunday morning within a 6 hour window. I developed a serious case of tunnel vision in those years. It did not matter how young I was or tired I was or how crazy it was in the kitchen or out, I learned to focus in on what needed to get done and do it until there was nothing left to do.
That leads me to my new favorite show, The Bear, on Hulu. I don’t think I quite understood my childhood and the impact it has had on my life as a husband, father, teacher and coach until I watched The Bear.
Not only is Chicago the setting for the series, but Chicago is front and center as one of the main characters. I won’t ruin the plot for you, but imagine one of the most dysfunctional families you can and then turn up the volume by 100. Imagine the youngest child somehow getting out of Chicago and becoming one of the top Chefs on the planet running one of the top restaurants in the world. Now imagine that wunderkind inheriting his brother’s downtown, broken-down, circus of a hot beef greaseball restaurant and choosing to come home to the chaotic reality he thought he had left behind to run this dysfunctional place with an even more dysfunctional staff. That’s The Bear.
When you grow-up in chaos, you naturally develop a calm in the middle of the storm. You learn how to fight with your words and cripple with your tone. If you aren’t emotionally strong enough to handle it, you are left as a wet spot on the floor wondering how you will ever make your way up again. Tunnel Vision. You simply learn not to hear the volume or the tone or the harshness. But it is always there…whether you admit it or not…in the back of your mind ready for the next reunion.
The Bear reminded me of all the good that can come out of chaos. It reminded me that every day is a chance for love, redemption, resurrection and survival. I love that about The Bear.
It also reminded me of the long-term detriment that chaos can have on your life. I’m learning a lot about myself this week, and I am hungry to learn more and figure out this chaos in my head and in my soul. The Bear has somehow awoken a lot of the good and the bad of my early years, and it has made me sit-up, reflect and address who I am and who I want to be.
I hope you give The Bear a watch and let me know what you think. You may not understand how The Bear fits into the world of coaching and athletics now, but a small, indirect inclusion of Coach K in Season 2 helps demonstrate the enormous relationship between the chaos of life and the chaos of sports. So well done!
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