“Courage is never to let your actions be influenced by your fears.” –Arthur Koestler
I probably talk about this more than I should, but it speaks to my immaturity as a high school and college athlete. It was an emotional immaturity that I regret. As a parent, it is important for me to turn my regrets into progress, so this week’s blog is another opportunity for me to share my failures as a teenager and young college athlete, so hopefully a few of you do not make the same mistakes I made.
I was coached very hard in both high school and then again in college. My coaches’ tactics would have probably gotten them both fired in the middle of their first seasons in this day and age of social media and helicopter parents, but I played in the late 80s and early 90s, so it was a completely different world.
I very much wanted to be a leader and loyal follower of my coaches. I was raised to respect my coaches, but the discussion about the importance of them respecting me was never even an after-thought. Respect was a one-way street back then, and you simply had to deal with it.
I not only wanted my coaches’ respect, but I wanted them to see me and coach me to be the team leader and floor general. I wanted to have a player-coach relationship that transcended wins and losses, and I wanted my coaches to appreciate my unselfishness and desire to sacrifice my personal glory for the good of the team. I’m not sure why those two coaches did not want the same from me, but it was devastating to my self-worth and value as a person (even more so than an athlete), and I did not have the tools to understand how to handle that disappointment and the depression that came with it. I was madly in love with basketball, and in my head for many, many years afterwards, that love was ripped from my heart and soul.
If I could go back in time and talk to my 17-year old self, I would calmly tell him to create his own joy every day and to never forget that he got to put that uniform on every day and do something he loved. No matter what happened or what was said or went unsaid, to remember that playing was his joy…not starting…not the relationship with his coach…not wins or losses…but the simple joy of playing and getting to play with a group of guys I loved playing with.
I would also give him these 4 pieces of advice:
- “Yes, Coach” – There are going to be times when you don’t agree with the coach. You might even be 100% sure they are wrong with the decision they are making. In the end, listen, look your coach in the eye, and say “Yes, Coach.” Find time after practice or before practice the next day to ask questions and get a deeper understanding of what they were asking of you. Coaches don’t have time to handle every insecurity each player has. Do your best to do what you’re told and address your concerns when 14 other players aren’t trying to get something done.
- Show up early and stay late – I was pretty good at this. I loved to play, so I usually had to be kicked out of the gym, but I see a lot of kids get frustrated with a coach and then show up 2 minutes before practice starts and then sprint to the locker room as soon as it’s over. You lose all your leverage with a coach when they see you not take advantage of an opportunity to put extra work in or ask for extra help.
- Hear the words; not the tone – I can be a very impatient coach. I can fall into the same patterns my coaches used on me. I don’t like that part of me as a coach, but I also know how mentally strong I am now as an adult because of how hard my coaches were on me. I don’t get rattled easily. I rarely get too high or too low emotionally. But when I was young, I took everything personally. I thought everything said was a knock on my character when really my coaches were wanting me to sprint back on defense faster or close out my man a certain way or run the offense with better execution. I simply needed to be better prepared, but I took every word as extreme disrespect. I wish I would have just focused on what they wanted from me instead of focusing so much on how they went about it.
- Focus on the next play – My high school coach had a quick trigger. I always felt like I was one mistake away from sitting on the bench…and maybe for the rest of the game, so I played cautiously and was always looking over to the bench for approval. That made me play without my instincts, and I forgot to play for myself and my teammates. I wish I would have just said to myself “that play is over…you get another chance in 10 seconds to do it better…focus on the next play and forget about the last play.”
In the end, I wish I would have had the mindset that my coaches were being tough on me, so I could learn how to be tough when it mattered most. I wish I would have realized that was their gift to me and not a curse.
Enjoying these blogs? Want to schedule a free 30-minute recruitment strategy session with Coach Rogers? You can do so here: https://coachmattrogers.com/contact/
Interested in Coach Rogers’ Book on College Recruiting? You can find it here: https://coachmattrogers.com/book/
