“The effectiveness of a leader is best judged by the actions of those he guides.” – Bill Courtney
When you have been married as long as I have, you learn over time how to quickly defuse a disagreement, so it doesn’t turn into an all-out fight. There are too many times in a marriage where decisions have to be made about children, finances, work responsibilities, etc. For a marriage to last, compromise has to be a huge part of the process.
Although my wife can often hear the sarcasm in my voice, my go-to response to get past a disagreement is to simply say “Yes, Dear”. If you look at the last year of my texts between the two of us, “Yes, Dear” is probably my most typed response. Please do not tell her this, but she is usually right, and I am usually wrong, so “Yes, Dear” is 99% of the time my concession to her being right again.
I am starting my commentary with this analogy because the relationship between a player and a coach often has similar tones and shades of a marriage. We are both trying to achieve the same goals. We want to get better each day. We want to develop our relationship and shared strategies. We want to leave the gym each day feeling good about the energy we gave each other.
I am a pretty lucky coach. I have a lot of guys who walk into our gym each day with natural non-verbal communication skills. They look me in the eye. They respond quickly to coaching and direction. They do a great job of hearing the words coming out of my mouth more than focusing on the tone and intensity I say those words.
However, I have a couple of players who love to be right. They love to argue and debate, and they will sink their own ship to prove their righteousness. Their non-verbals scream frustration before sounds come out of their mouth. Don’t tell them this, but I love that we have a couple players like this. Every team needs that guy who will speak up when no one else will. Every team needs that guy who will run into battle without a second of hesitation. Although these players can frustrate me beyond a doubt, I love them just the same. Why? I guess it’s because I was that kid who always had to win the debate, too.
What I learned over time as a player (the hard way, I must add!) was that there is no debate between a player in a coach. It isn’t like a marriage at all. One person is in charge and responsible for the other. For the relationship between a coach and a player to really blossom, the player must accept that the coach in charge is always right…even on those certain occasions when the coach is obviously wrong. [This is why I jokingly refer to my wife as the boss because, let’s be honest, she is…and I like it that way :-)]
It is important for any player to understand that coaches make mistakes, but more times than not, coaches have an understanding of the game, the situation, the strategy, the history of everything they are teaching that a player hasn’t lived long enough or played the game long enough to truly grasp. Coaches also live their life by the clock. We only have so much time for each drill. We only have so much time each day to use the gym. The game clock doesn’t allow for banter and debate. Decisions have to be made and directions need to be followed quickly or a game, a season, a CAREER…can be lost in seconds.
So, at the end of the day, whether you are that kid who respectfully does everything your coach tells you to do without batting an eye OR you are that kid that needs the satisfaction of winning every disagreement, it is imperative that you learn and buy into two simple words…”Yes, Coach.” There will always be time after practice or after the game or in the film room or in coach’s office to bring up your concerns and have that debate you need to have. But in the middle of a practice or a game, your coach has to move, think, and deploy quickly for the betterment of the team and not just YOU!
So the next time you are in that situation, just say “Yes, Coach” (or “Yes, Dear” for all you stubborn, hard-headed husbands out there), and everyone’s life will be better! Happy Valentines, everyone!
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