“Beginnings are easy, but after that, happiness takes some work.” –Eoin Colfer, “Airman”
Let me first off tell you that being in love before you go to college can feel like your first taste of freedom after being locked up in a cage your entire life. It is usually the first time you have truly connected to another human being who wasn’t a family member. It is exhilarating. It feels profound. It is beyond special. Because it is so special, the idea of leaving that person you love to go to college seems like hanging off of a 100-foot cliff and someone quietly says to you “just let go”. It seems unfathomable.
I can speak to this because I experienced it. The idea of going off to college and not having that amazing connection with that person you are absolutely infatuated with simply does not make sense.
Your parents and I can already hear the words you are thinking…
You don’t understand.
You can’t possibly relate to how I feel.
You don’t understand how in love we are.
There’s no way you have experienced what I am feeling and what I know to be true.
We do understand. We can relate. We also know that you have not begun to understand yours or your partner’s capacity to love or the capacity of what you are capable of in this world if given the full chance to experience it.
If you are 17 or 18 and a senior in high school and you are in love, I could not be happier for you. Being in love is fantastic. There’s nothing like it. There’s really nothing on the planet to compare it to, and I wish for everyone to experience it in their lifetime.
However, you can simply not begin to imagine how the world can and will shape you in the next 4-5 years. Your body wants to grow. Your mind wants to learn. Your soul hungers for challenge and opportunities to conquer. And…your libido has no bounds.
I won’t tell you that you need to break-up with this person you so desperately love. I won’t tell you that this first love wasn’t meant to be your last love. [I have known enough 80 year old high school sweethearts to know that it is possible.]
However, I will share some facts with you (thanks to thehivelaw.com):
- 0.9% of high school sweethearts last into marriage without a divorce.
- For every 100 high school sweethearts, 2 get married.
- Less than 2% of people marry their first love.
- The average relationship length for 16 to 18-year-olds is 1.8 years.
- 37% of long-distance relationships end in the first semester of college.
- 11% of women cheat in college.
- 10% of men cheat in college.
I’m telling you all of this because long-distance relationships are a huge hurdle if you want to play your sport in college. You may never work harder the rest of your life than you will as a college athlete. You will have the most fun you’ve ever had, but you will work harder than you ever thought you were capable of.
You will get up early.
You will stay up late.
You will practice, lift weights, run, practice again, lift more weights, run more, ride in buses, fly in planes, play games, and repeat for 4 straight years.
You will go to class.
You will study.
You will go to more classes.
You will study even more.
You’ll be convinced to go to a party and 11pm…on a Wednesday.
You’ll find yourself in card games, dorm room dance parties, and all-night giggle sessions that you wished would never end.
You will meet smart, fascinating, handsome and beautiful people with amazing personalities and spirits who are unique and authentic and completely different than anyone you grew up with.
You will be distraught that you are not playing as much as you did in high school.
You will be befuddled and dismayed by how hard your coaches push you when you feel like you have already maxed out every ounce of energy you are capable of, and they are expecting MORE!
You will be amazed at how easy and comfortable all of this seems for those teammates who are only a year or two older than you.
Sounds pretty wonderful, does it not? That’s about 10% of what you are going to experience in college.
Can you imagine for a second trying to be true to your high school sweetheart who is 600 miles away when you are doing, experiencing and feeling everything above?
I’m not saying you have it in you to cheat on your love, but think about how hard it will be to do and be all those things above. Will you be able to give that long-distance relationship the love and attention that it needs to not feel pushed to the side and forgotten about? Do you really want to resent each other because you are not having the same experience everyone else around you is having?
Again, I am not telling you that you need to break-up. What I would advise is that you sit down with your “everything” and talk about the realities that are headed your way. Talk about making the most of these last few months together, but maybe, just maybe, agreeing to love each other enough. Enough to let each other go to college to become the absolute best version of one another…without having to wonder if your other is still feeling the same way they did before you went to college. Trust me when I tell you that resentment and doubt and depression and regret will only be the beginning to a much too often end.
If you love each other as much as you think, then you love them enough to give them the freedom to become who they were meant to be. Who knows? You may go back for that 5-year reunion at 23 and realize that you love the new versions of each other even more than you did at 18.
Interested in Coach Rogers’ Book on College Recruiting? You can find it here: https://coachmattrogers.com/book/
Want to schedule a free 30-minute college recruitment strategy session with Coach Rogers? You can do so here: https://coachmattrogers.com/contact/
