“Image is powerful. Image is superficial.” – Cameron Russell
I’m amazed—and slightly overwhelmed—that I wrote Raising Daughters [Part 1] nearly 12 years ago on my old blog, Diary of a Mad Coach (read it here). At the time, I was a first-time dad trying to map out a course for raising a 4-year-old little girl with unshakable self-worth, minimal insecurity, deep generosity (without becoming a doormat), and a sense of beauty that went far beyond a mirror. I wrote that post half-hoping someone out there would respond with a guidebook—some magical, nerve-calming advice on how to raise a daughter to be confident, grounded, and wholly herself.
I’m still waiting for that reply. 😊
I’d love to tell you I was a young, naïve dad back then, but that would be a bigger lie than I’m comfortable writing. I was nearly 40, had just finished my 12th season as a college head coach, and was 17 years into my coaching and administrative career. The only thing I was “young” at was being a girl dad.
Fast forward to now—my sweet, thoughtful, headstrong daughter is finishing her sophomore year of high school. She’s about to get her driver’s license, just got offered her first two jobs, has the same inseam as me (she’s 5’9” and all legs!), and yes—she’s dating, or talking to a boy, depending on how you want to define teenage romance in 2025.
It feels like the right time to write Part 2.
So, how did we do with those goals from a dozen years ago? Somewhere between Father of the Year and Biggest Failure on Record—it really depends on the day.
If you’ve ever played for me, you probably know I have a short fuse when it comes to selfishness, vanity, or laziness. My daughter has witnessed the full spectrum of that intensity. But she also knows—about 90% of the time—that I’m a giant pushover. She’s figured out that if she asks enough (and frames it just right), she’ll usually get what she wants. Not always what she needs, but wants. I’m toast.
My wife and I have long conversations about nature vs. nurture. And the older our kids get, the more convinced we are that they came into this world wired just as they are. We joke sometimes that we brought home the wrong babies from the hospital. Neither one looks like us, and though they reflect the values we’ve tried to instill, they are absolutely, unmistakably their own people.
That said, when I step back and try to see my daughter not through the eyes of her dad—but as a young woman—we’ve raised a good one. She’s smart, but couldn’t care less about being the smartest in the room. She gets mostly A’s, but what she values most is connection, not content.
She can be a tornado of dirty dishes, laundry piles, and eye rolls—but she also bowls us over with her kindness, grit, and generosity. She’s tougher than I ever was, and as an athlete, she handles pressure like a seasoned pro. That’s her mom’s DNA, thank God.
And yes, she’s beautiful. I joke about buying a shotgun, but it’s not really my style. We didn’t succeed in erasing the insecurities that come with being a teenage girl, but we have watched her character, not her appearance, become the most compelling thing about her. Her authenticity wins out. Every time.
The best thing I’ve ever done for my kids is show them how deeply I love their mom—with consistency, passion, and generosity. I want them to know how a man should treat a woman—and just as importantly, how they should expect to be treated by someone who truly loves them.
If you go back to that old blog post, the TED Talk link is broken, so here’s the updated one: Cameron Russell – Looks Aren’t Everything.
That talk still hits. And my daughter? She’s on her way to fully embracing its truth—that image is powerful, but it’s also superficial.
These days, I’m learning the best thing I can do is step out of the way. Cheer her on. Love her hard. Let nature, faith, and the solid foundation we’ve laid do the rest.
And in the end, I just want her to know: my love for her is unconditional. It will never waver. I love her more than anything. And the best thing she could ever do for me… is just come home.
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