“We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are.” -Bill Watterson
I have two rules when I talk to recruits and parents when it comes to how to (or how not to) market yourself:
1. Never talk about your politics.
2. Never talk about your religion.
There are plenty of other do’s and don’ts, but those two can turn college coaches off the fastest.
I wanted to give some context to those rules before I begin my thesis today, because what I’m about to say might come off as contradictory or even hypocritical — and that is not my intention.
I talk to so many families and coaches each week, and I often hear phrases like “God willing” or “We will pray on it” from those who are on the recruiting journey. I fully support that thought process and that belief system. For the first 20 years of my life, I would have 100% included myself in that group. Why that changed is a story for another day — but it’s important to me that you know I’m coming from a good place as you read this.
The Parable
My thesis today is actually a Chinese parable that has helped me find peace during many dark times:
“The one who searches for love loses themself.
The one who is themself finds love.”
The original idea isn’t about romantic love. It’s about identity, desire, and alignment.
In today’s world of youth sports, it shows up when our hearts and minds get locked on one outcome:
- Playing D1
- Being recruited by a specific coach or school
- Earning a scholarship
- Becoming a pro athlete
And in the process, we lose our identity. We forget to pause and ask:
“What actually makes me happy?”
I was that kid.
If I’m being honest, I was that coach.
And probably more than I wish, I’ve been that dad.
I forgot who I was and why the game mattered to me — and why I wanted it to matter to my kids.
On Praying for Outcomes
As human beings, we pray, hope, plead, manifest, or beg the universe when we really want something.
And yes — as a recruit, praying for something specific to happen on your journey is okay. I actually like the idea of putting your goals and desires into the world. I don’t think that hurts anything.
But here’s the point of this essay:
Make sure you notice when your prayers are answered.
The answer may not show up in the shape or form you were expecting.
And too often, I see teenagers and parents ignore the fact that the answer came — just not in the packaging they imagined.
A Real Conversation (One I’ve Had Too Many Times to Count)
Recruit: “I got a call from a college Head Coach last night. She loved my game and said all the right things. It felt like she really saw me.”
Me: “How did that make you feel? How did you end the call?”
Recruit: “I thanked her for the interest, but told her I was focused on different schools.”
Me: “When we started, you told me how much you wanted a coach to finally believe in you — someone who would see your character and ability the way you see it.”
Recruit: “I know… but this was a D3 coach. I don’t want to play D3.”
Let that sink in.
The exact prayer — “I just want a coach to believe in me” — was answered.
But the answer was dismissed because the label wasn’t the one they had attached to their dream.
The Reality No One Likes to Talk About
The difference between D1, D2, D3, NAIA, and JC often comes down to money:
- How much the school has
- How much scholarship they can offer
- How shiny the facilities are
But every level has:
- Coaches
- Teammates
- Training
- A schedule
- Facilities
- And a chance to compete for a championship
Money will come and go.
But the people you surround yourself with — the ones who help you become someone you like and respect — that is the real return on investment.
So Here’s the Reminder
If you’re going to pray for something, pray.
If you’re going to hope and believe, do that.
But when something or someone shows up who:
- Values you
- Believes in you
- Sees who you are
- Wants to help you grow
Don’t close your eyes because the logo wasn’t the one you expected.
Sometimes your prayers are answered — just not in the wrapping you imagined.
Make sure you’re willing to see it.
For more support on your recruiting journey — podcasts, the Recruit’s Journal, weekly blogs, and tools to help you stay grounded in who you are — visit CoachMattRogers.com to schedule a family strategy session with Coach Rogers and/or subscribe for exclusive free weekly recruiting tips and advice.
