Curiosity is one of the great secrets to happiness. – Bryant H. McGill
I’ve got to give a lot of credit to Jason Sudeikis and the writers’ room for Ted Lasso. They have done an amazing job of motivating coaches, athletes and non-athletic folks and reminding all of us of those so-important lessons on how to treat others and how to live our lives with honor and integrity in a way that most of us learned in kindergarten.
My favorite, favorite of all these lessons is one they misattributed to the poet Walt Whitman:
Be curious. Not judgmental.
I have heard the line many times before, but the context in which Coach Lasso uses it in the remarkable bar darts scene has engraved it into my heart and soul for the rest of my life. These words have dominated my subconscious since hearing them and continue to be a guiding force in how I see the world, build relationships and how I want to be known as a husband, parent, coach, teacher, leader, mentor and friend.
With that said, be curious always makes me think of Goldilocks. Yes, she possibly is just a spoiled, greedy, selfish little girl, but what if she was just lost, hungry and terribly scared about what to do next? I’m definitely curious about that version of the story.
But I digress. It is the curiosity of Goldilocks that brings me to this week’s blog. If you’re an avid listener of The Significant Coaching Podcast, you may have already heard me talk in great detail about my daughter’s recent college visit week and what she learned about herself and her future wants, needs and happiness for her upcoming college experience.
I’m really proud of her for being open-minded and getting out of her comfort zone and preconceived notions about college to make some visits that will probably change the course of her future for the better. It’s rare as a father when you are thinking about your kid’s future, and something happens that puts your soul to rest for a while.
She’s had good friends who have had her back and stood up for her when she needed them most. She’s demonstrated her maternal side and her love and protection for her little brother in situations that surprised her mother and me. And then there was this week, when her college visits enabled her to truly see a happy and healthy path to her future. I’ve been wrapped in this warm aura of pride and genuine excitement for her since she called me on the phone and, with great enthusiasm, told me she had found her place.
My daughter allowed herself to be Goldilocks. She tried the small private school on for size. She dove into the big public school she thought was her focus. But it was that medium-sized school with the perfect physical, emotional, educational and cultural approach that spoke to her and made her feel just right.
So it got me thinking. Is Goldilocks the perfect recruit? We know she’s fearless. She went into a stranger’s home. She didn’t seem scared. The bowls of porridge were still hot, right? She must have known the residents of this home could not have been too far away. She wasn’t afraid to eat, try out the furniture and even go upstairs and take a nap. I love a good overnight visit, by the way.
It’s Goldilocks’ genuine curiosity and fearless approach to evaluating something new that I wish I could instill in every recruit I work with. Try it all on for size. Breathe in every opportunity. Relish the opportunity of being welcomed and wanted and figuring out if this is the right place and the right people for me.
Goldilocks really wanted to figure it out and never stopped trying new things and asking herself, “Is this right for me?”
Teenagers can learn a lot from this old folk tale.
This is why I teach them the importance of the invitation. Send the email. Make the phone call. Ask for the Zoom call so you can see the coaches’ faces, reactions, energy, etc. Be fearless in allowing them to see, hear and feel yours.
The confidence that comes from knowing you can be face-to-face with someone who may be able to change your life for the better, and learning from each other to find out if you were meant to be, is one of the great trials every young person needs to go through in order to learn how to be an adult, as much as learn how to be a strong, confident recruit.
A big part of the Goldilocks charm is that she didn’t seem to be afraid to fail. Maybe this isn’t the right place. Maybe I won’t like this food. Maybe this chair and bed aren’t right for me, but darn it, I’m going to give it a try.
The great joys in my life come from that attitude now that I’m middle-aged. I love trying new foods and meeting new people that are different from me. I was a kid from a small farming community in the Midwest. There were no sushi joints. I didn’t know the difference between Japanese, Chinese, Hawaiian and Korean food. I didn’t understand the different religions and faiths that spoke to people’s souls outside of my community. I didn’t understand the beauty of mountains, oceans, islands, deserts and jungles.
I’m so thankful that I have allowed myself to meet so many people from all over the world and experience the different cultures that have now shaped me and opened my mind to the world of possibilities, as much as opened my heart to my potential and the effect I can have in this world.
College helped me break open the egg or cocoon I had lived in for 18 years. College challenged me in a way that allowed me to live without regret.
If Goldilocks had good grades, a little game and some athleticism (and we know she has a bit of that the way she bolted out of that house when the bears came home), she probably would have been one heckuva good recruit because she would have talked, listened and experienced all her options and found the one, in the end, that was just right.
If you like my thoughts on the world, and you’d like to connect about your child’s future, I’d love to talk. You can schedule with me any time at coachmattrogers.com/contact
