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“Pause and remember – When you fight reality, you will lose every time. Once you accept the situation for what it truly is, not what you want it to be, you are then free to move forward.” -Jennifer Young

Recruiting, for many families, can feel like learning a new language.

Or maybe it feels like that moment when a non-mechanic pops the hood of a dead car trying to figure out why it won’t start—and all they see is rubber, plastic and metal parts with absolutely no rhyme or reason for how any of it works together.

I’ve been coaching and recruiting at the college level for almost 30 years, so sometimes I struggle to understand why families struggle with recruiting so much.

But that’s not fair.

I’ve been under the hood for a long time.

So let’s make recruiting easy—and talk about it in a way you probably haven’t heard before, including from me.

1. Coaches are struggling just as much as you are.

College coaches have limited budgets, limited roster spots, an inexact science for evaluating talent and a whole lot of competition searching for the exact same athletes.

Imagine walking into a grocery store with a recipe that calls for very specific items.

There are only 100 items for sale and 99 other people looking at the same things you are. Maybe only two or three items fit your recipe—and all the other shoppers want those exact same items.

What do you do?

You fight your tail off to get them while also rethinking your recipe and figuring out how to make the meal with ingredients that are actually available.

Or you start shopping at different stores.

Or you learn to grow some of your own ingredients.

That’s recruiting.

Coaches aren’t perfect. Neither is the process. Their needs change. Their rosters change. They change their minds.

So take college coaches off the pedestal.

Think of them as teachers and yourself as the student. Students who are confused but stay quiet and never raise their hands are usually the ones who struggle the most.

Lesson #1: Get your recruiting advice from people who actually understand college recruiting from the inside.

Talk to head college coaches, veteran assistant coaches AND former head coaches willing to give you honest feedback and an honest assessment of your ability.

Everyone else might as well be speaking Latin.

2. The truth about self-evaluation

You’re probably not going to like this section.

That’s okay.

If I start fibbing to make you feel better, I’m only setting you up for disappointment later.

The overwhelming majority of high school athletes are not college recruits. Most athletes capable of playing in college will find their opportunities at the junior college, Division III, and maybe the NAIA level.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Consider height.

Only about 0.1% of 17-year-old girls in the United States are 6 feet or taller, and only about 0.3% of 17-year-old boys are 6-foot-5 or taller.

Height isn’t everything. In many sports it barely matters. But in basketball, volleyball and certain football positions, it’s one of those things coaches evaluate that you have absolutely no control over.

That’s simply one example of the reality every athlete has to face:

What do I actually bring to the table, and where does that fit?

Lesson #2: Determine whether you really, truly love playing your sport.

If you do, division level shouldn’t even be a part of the equation.

It should 100% be about fit, cost and the opportunity to keep playing.

If anything else is on your agenda, and you’re not one of those top 1 percenters, then college sports is probably not for you.

3. Your email and DM are nearly worthless without a real conversation.

Coaches love easy.

Sending film through X, Instagram or email is easy for them—and it’s easy for them to move on.

They don’t know you. Unless your film blows them away, you’re another name, email and video in a very large pile.

Call coaches.

They’re going to hate me for saying that because they don’t have time to answer every phone call.

But it doesn’t have to be the head coach.

Find someone willing to talk. An assistant. Graduate assistant. Recruiting coordinator. Anyone involved with the program.

Once someone hears your voice, you become human. They hear your passion, personality, curiosity and maturity.

Do your homework. Know the school, your potential major and a little about the history and present-state of the program.

And be grateful.

Yes, I said it.

Be grateful when someone takes time to talk with a teenager looking for an opportunity and guidance.

Lesson #3: Stop waiting for someone to call you because you know that’s what you want. 

Offers are great in an email, but they will not feel real and often won’t be real until you can hear or see a real person make that offer to you. 

Have a real conversation because when you get to that campus to start your career, you don’t want to find out that the coaches you were talking to on social media or through text are NOT the kind of people you thought they were.

4. Don’t ask to be recruited. Ask to be evaluated.

There are SOOOO many college coaches who hate telling recruits they aren’t good enough.

For some, a root canal might be preferable.

So they delete your email or don’t respond.

Don’t stop emailing.

Instead…Email…Send film…and Call.

But instead of asking, “Will you recruit me?” ask for an honest evaluation:

Coach, can you give me honest feedback on my skill set? Can I play in your program or league? Are you recruiting my position? What should I improve? If I’m not at your level, where do you think I fit?

You’re giving that coach permission to teach you instead of asking them for something they may not think you are worthy of.

Lesson #4: Be humble.

Have zero expectations other than hoping the person on the other end is willing to be a teacher and has enough integrity to give an honest answer to a kid showing the courage to ask.

Do you really want to play for someone who isn’t willing to teach?

Recruiting doesn’t have to be complicated.

Coaches are figuring it out, too. Know where you fit. Have real conversations. And remember: evaluation is more valuable than validation.

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Your Next Step

If you still don’t know where you fit, stop guessing.

I’ve spent almost 30 years coaching, recruiting and evaluating college athletes. Let’s have an honest conversation about where you are, where you fit and what you should do next.

Schedule a Recruiting Strategy Session:
https://calendly.com/mrogers_significantcoaching/strategy-session-w-matt-rogers

No promises. No recruiting fairy tales. No telling you what you want to hear.

Just an honest conversation about where you fit and how to move forward.

Learn more at CoachMattRogers.com.

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes